Behind the Couch

2010 Dir. Declan O’Brien An eeevviiiil, egotistical bio-geneticist, along with his reluctant daughter, develops a hybrid half-shark/half-octopus for the US military (!). Code-named S11, the creature has been designed as the ultimate weapon in aquatic attack and defence. But when its control unit malfunctions during a test run, the S11 is accidentally unleashed and sets off in the direction of a popular tourist resort. Oh noes! Can our intrepid heroes - egotistical bio-geneticist’s daughter and a hunky ex-employee-turned slacker-mercenary - track down and capture the mutant killing machine before it snacks on a buffet of oiled-up, dressed-down holidaymakers?! Can they heck!  Half Shark. Half Octopus. All Killer. With a title like Sharktopus , let’s face it, one really ought to know what to expect. A goofy, tongue-in-cheek monster-movie romp, the film has already been garnering a sizable cult following for its deliberately trashy, B-movie campiness. Add to this the fact tha...

Just when you thought it was safe to rummage around in the bargain bin of your local video shop, the latest ‘mockbuster’ offering from The Asylum raises its shameless head from the dank depths of straight-to-DVD hell for a brief release on the big screen. Mega Piranha features a plot involving a mutant strain of genetically modified giant piranha (!) that escape from the Amazon and make their way towards Florida, leaving a trail of cheap and cheerful destruction in their wake. Poor CGI, copious explosions, absurd pseudo-science, baffling technical jargon, 80s popstar Tiffany and much mindless entertainment ensues.  Head over to Eye for Film to read my full review.

1977 Dir. John Hayes When Professor Andrew Boran (Kirk Scott) decodes messages received from deepest space that coincide with recent natural disasters, his investigations lead him to a spooky convent where the inhabitants are not what they seem. They are actually aliens attempting to destroy earth because it has become too polluted and diseased. No, really. Dearest Reader – allow me to present the deliciously entertaining schlock that is – End of the World. Mysterious messages from the cosmos! Parallel dimensions! Cloning! Laser beams! Christopher Lee! Nuns from outer space! Well, strictly speaking the nuns aren’t really from outer space – they are clones of nuns inhabited by the forces of an alien race who are desperately trying to leave earth and return to their own planet… And even though they have effortlessly mastered the concepts of inter-stellar time travelling and stuff, they still need the help of a mere mortal human scientist to assist their attempts to leave earth. You...

1959 Dir. Ed Wood Whilst investigating reports of dubious activities and ghost sightings at an old house in the middle of nowhere, Lt. Dan Bradford, a specialist in supernatural crimes and lover of opera, encounters the rather odd and obviously phony physic Dr. Acula. It turns out Dr. Acula has been conducting fake séances and ripping off bereaved families desperate to contact their dead loved ones. However, it turns out that Acula’s dabbling in the occult may actually have summoned forth a few bewildered and vengeful spirits and as the night unravels, it won’t just be his collection of skeletons that are going bump in the night. No. It will also be the rickety sets, plodding pace, terrible acting and the unnecessarily overlong exposition throughout Night of the Ghouls . This is after all an Ed Wood production, so what do you expect? Director Edward D. Wood Jnr. has (posthumously) garnered a cult following as the worst director to ever work in cinema. Harsh, but this is not ne...

1971 Dir. Al Adamson Long before there was Freddy vs Jason , and  Alien vs Predator , there was the incomprehensible yet utterly sublime Dracula vs Frankenstein . Beginning its celluloid life as a follow up to schlock filmmaker Al Adamson’s Satan’s Sadists , Dracula vs Frankenstein was intended to be a biker movie. Somewhere along the way though, Dracula and Frankenstein’s Monster were added to the  mix. This film has it all: astounding dialogue, terrible acting, cheap and cheerful special effects. Best worst movie ever? Read on... The basic story follows Judith Fontaine (Regina Carrol) as she searches for her missing sister, who, unbeknownst to her, has been abducted by the evil Dr Frankenstein. He's been abducting women for his devilish experiments in his secret lab in an amusement park on a grotty pier. It's never clear what his experiments are or why he needs women. He rambles on about ‘life-giving serums’, the ‘illusion of reality' and how one of the women h...